You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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