She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
