I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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