I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
