Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
