the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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