I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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