How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
