well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
