Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
