no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
