Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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