no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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