My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How does one acquire holy water?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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