I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
