Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
