I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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