I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
