GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
