Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
