There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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