you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
