I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
