she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
