Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
