finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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