i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
