I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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