I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
