I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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