He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
