We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
