She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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