The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i think my cat just said my name.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
PANTIES FOUND
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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