Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I love having hate sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
