remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
