Just cropdusted the office
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
