how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
