He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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