take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
