i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
