look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
