Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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