I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
