you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
