Kiss
Puke
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
