i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
jump out the window naked night went bad
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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