I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
