Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
