I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
